Sketch of My Mind

This is perhaps the saddest way I will tell how bad my heart is breaking.

I thought I was helping myself to move on and forgive you, but I was just putting myself to a greater risk. God knows how much I still love you and how hard I pray at night for an intervention. There are nights I cry myself to sleep. There are nights that I still wish the break-up didn’t happen. There are nights that are just so long to take.. I cannot take the longing, the sadness and all the hurt. I always talk to God. I always ask for His guidance. I try to surrender all my sadness and doubts. It is very hard to carry all these.. I pray not only for a lighter burden but for a stronger back.

It has been months and i dont know why i am still hurting. I am mad at myself for not allowing myself to leave. How I wish I had the strength to move on, to let go of you easily.. To accept that maybe this is the end and it is time to keep moving.

Each time I look at you, there’s a part of me that can’t let go. There’s something about you that still got me hooked. Or maybe I am just lingering on the special moments that we had, the things that WERE important to you and me. Boy, I can’t find the right way to let go—if there is any.

I love you. I love everything about us.

But reality hurts really bad. I don’t even understand our relationship right now. Sometimes we’re lovers, sometimes we’re friends.. Sometimes I am just a stranger to you.

I wish to rekindle everything that we had.. If ony i have the chance and if only you allow me to. The love, trust, faith.. Everything that we thought belonged to us. I still have feelings for you, sure.. It is not enough to want you back but enough to make it hurt.

I shall save myself..

because I can’t look at you without my heart breaking. :’(